Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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