I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
