i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
