haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
