Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
