These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
