Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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