I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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