When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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