I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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