My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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