I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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