im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
