i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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