hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
