at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
