I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
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She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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