Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
