I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
