Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
