she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
