Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
