On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
