What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
