I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
