My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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