you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
