I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
