i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think my moral compass just broke
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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