And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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