I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
whose parrot is this?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
