im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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