My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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