i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
