im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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