Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
