Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
