She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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