Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
