I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
