spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
