i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
