haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
