Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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