I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it's like heaven, but drunker
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
