I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
