dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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