its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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