There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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