That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
