How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
