If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
