In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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