went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
