Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I cut my penus on the lid.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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