Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
