i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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