I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
