Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i believe in u and ur pee
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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