I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize