the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
