Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
