Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize