the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
