I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
