saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
