But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
